


Cannot Take It Anymore

by Simplistic_Fish



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Aerith and Tifa are Sora's older sisters now sorry, After Melody of Memory, Anti-Form Sora, Anxiety, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Fuck ya know?, Gen, He will bottle that up and then one day Vanitas will smack the shit out of him, LGBTQ Themes, Let Sora and Riku say Fuck, M/M, POV Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Self Harm, Sora is a fuckin anxiety ridden depressed boi, Sora is feeling like shit and will NOT share his feelings, That shit always made my mentally ill queer brain go brr, They are gonna swear like teenagers, Vanitas is ?alive?, and honestly? me too, hopefully, mickey mouse himself cannot stop me, slowburn, um, vibes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:07:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27696023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simplistic_Fish/pseuds/Simplistic_Fish
Summary: Sora comes back to Kairi avoiding him, Riku being too busy as a keyblade master. All of his friends suddenly distant, everyone leaving him alone even though he was gone for over a year. It was destroying him. But he pushed through and made sure his feelings were hidden. Sealing the cracks that appeared as they came up. Until he reached his breaking point and a familiar person told him that he finally had to stop running from himself.
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 68





	1. 1

Sora was so tired, even though he swore he had spent the majority of the last few years asleep. His hands shook as he slammed his keyblade into the last heartless, its body disintegrating and the bright pink heart vanishing into the air above it. He sat down immediately with a small puff of dirt coming up around him from the action. 

God he needed a nap. 

He laid on his back and moved his arm to block the horribly bright sun of Greece. Donald and Goofy were not here with him, they had stuff to do with King Mickey and it was supposedly so “top secret” that not even Sora could know. So he had decided to distract himself by going to one of his favorite worlds, but he wasn’t able to find Herc. He had gone everywhere in Thebes to try and track him down but not even the townsfolk knew where he was. 

He was exhausted and he could feel the threat of a sunburn on his arms. He didn't care, the warmth was nice and reminded him of home. Of his friends, Kairi and Riku. But Kairi wasn’t talking to him, Riku was off in his own world, claiming he needed a little bit of time alone. Sora was gone for a year and he felt like none of his friends actually cared about his return. He felt as if they only needed him as a guardian of light, protection or just because the keyblade had chosen him. They didn't actually want him around. 

He decided he needed to leave, there wasn’t actually anything to do in this world other than fight heartless, and he had done that for fucking years, he was honestly tired of it. 

He sat up and rubbed his eyes, he was over his eyes hurting, over his limbs feeling hollow, over his body shaking and resisting every move he made. He got up to go back to the gummi ship, his guard was down and he was slammed into from behind, he didn’t have a moment to think before he felt long claws dig into his back. His body was in too high of a panic mode to think about cure or a potion and Sora felt the tug of darkness from his heart, he let it take over. 

His body quickly became drenched in shadow, he felt endless rage and hate fill his head and heart, he didn’t remember taking down the heartless that had attacked him, all he remembered was his self doubt and anger about everything in his life, he saw Kairi and her blank stares as he tried to talk to her and he saw Riku shake his head and act important. He saw his failure, when he vanished, how he couldn’t be as strong as everyone expected him to be and how he failed to become a keyblade master. Finally his rage let up and he looked around to see if any heartless remained, his keyblade at the ready. No heartless were around and Sora looked down to see the last of what looked like blood drip off his hands and the tip of his keyblade. His rage form was stronger and he knew it was scarier to look at, even though he had never seen it himself. Donald and Goofy explained it in enough detail to freak him out at the time. 

He put away Oathkeeper and left Herc’s world, sad and alone. 

He didn’t feel much better when he sat on the paupo tree, it’s curved trunk further reminding him of all the bullshit that he had gone through and how his life was better before the keyblade had chosen him. 

He felt a strong temptation to throw his keyblade into the ocean in front of him, and he knew he could just summon it back. He pulled Oathkeeper out of whatever interdimensional pocket it hid in, got up, and he threw it as hard as he could, he never heard the splash because it was back in his hand before it even flew in front of the sunset. 

“FUCK!” He shouted at the blade, at the ocean, at the appearing stars above him. He ran over to a coconut tree nearby and started hitting it as hard as he could, chips of the tree flying off and the satisfying sound of the keyblade hitting something seemed to calm him down. He slowly stopped, the glee of hitting something was going away and it was slowly just pissing him off further. He didn’t know he was crying until he stopped hitting the tree, and he didn’t know how tired he was until he fell to his knees and pressed his head against the tree he had abused moments before. He started to sob, he felt the darkness of his heart slowly tempt him to want to go into a fit of rage that he couldn’t control, he felt the goodness and light start to push back, try and shove every negative thing he was feeling back into a small pocket that hid those things from sight. Keep it all from everyone that claimed to care about him. 

He tried to stand but his vision spun, he couldn’t feel the ground underneath him, he knew he was passing out, he had been through that experience enough times to know what was happening before his eyes fully shut. And he watched the stars blink into place as he lost consciousness.

\--

Sora looked around. He wasn’t anywhere he recognized. A dark forest that slightly reminded him of a memory he couldn’t seem to grasp in his head, must have been Roxas’s or Ven’s if he couldn’t place it as his own.

He was in front of a huge oak tree, the bark looking black in the dim moonlight. He saw flashes of what seemed like fireflies blinking in and out of the edges of his vision. He smiled a bit, he liked fireflies. But he knew this was a dream and he knew he couldn’t pursue them. 

He turned his back on the massive oak tree, and looked at the edges of the small clearing he was in. He didn’t know where anything led to but when in doubt he knew to just walk forward. It was a dream so what could go wrong. He could get kidnapped? Sora grinned at the thought. 

'Gods I’m a fucking idiot.' He thought to himself. 

“Yea, Sora you really are.” A raspy voice called from behind him.

He spun around, his pulse heightening. He looked frantically around the clearing, but he didn't summon his keyblade. He knew the voice. But he also knew the owner of that voice had faded away in front of him after he stubbornly denied Ventus the time of day. 

“Vanitas where the fuck are you?” Sora called still looking around the clearing. Until his eyes finally caught him crouching like a gargoyle on a high branch in the oak tree. 

“Good Job Fuckass, I wasn't even trying to hide.” Vanitas’s bite was still there, no longer how long it had been since they last spoke. He wasn’t in his obnoxious outfit that Sora knew him to wear, he was in a casual outfit. A random black t-shirt with black pants that had way too many chains and belts on it. No mask, no creepy fucking boots, just a boy. It kinda made Sora uncomfortable to see Vanitas look so normal. 

“Nice to see you too Asshole.” Sora bit back. He wasn’t afraid of Vanitas, and he didn’t have to keep up his innocent facade since it was just the two of them. “What do you want? I thought you were, wait, were you dead? What the fuck even happened in that maze?” Sora ended up just muttering questions to himself. 

“Dude, Can you just shut the fuck up?” Vanitas said, and he jumped down from the branch, he landed lightly on his feet as if he didn’t just launch himself from 20 feet up. Dream logic was bullshit. 

Sora had a quick image in his head of Vanitas falling over after trying to look badass and it took everything in him to not laugh in his face. 

“Sure whatever, what do you wanna talk about.” Sora had the slight impulse to wink at Vanitas, just to get under his skin. He didn’t. 

“Sora, you know, I do hate this shit. But. I guess I have to be your fucking voice of reason now that Bitch ass and his double finally left. You cannot run from this forever.”

Sora felt himself tense, anger shot up his spine and rested in his shoulders. “Run from what exactly?” 

“The darkness in your heart. Why do you think I’m here exactly?” Vanitas’s eyes seemed to see right into his soul. 

“Oh you know. A tea party.” Sora grinned through the anger that continued to build in his body. He had to remind himself that it was a dream. It wasn’t real. His anger would only hurt him when he woke up. He forced himself to breathe, and he shoved that anger into the core of his heart. 

“Dumbass stop doing that!” Vanitas shouted as soon as Sora relaxed. “You are just bottling up something that will blow up in your face later! And then everyone will see what you truly are! And what you decided you needed to hide! What do you think they will say? Oh yeah a keyblade wielder, a protector of light, can totally be full of darkness! Sorry Sora but that role has already been taken by Riku! No one will allow you to follow that same path, least of all him.”

Sora didn't make any movement or expression for a good moment. Then he turned around and marched himself into the forest. Ignoring Vanitas’s shouts behind him. 

That asshole was right, but was Sora going to admit that? No. 

He just kept walking, even when Vanitas appeared in his line of vision. When fireflies sprang from the grass underneath him he just fixed his gaze on the false path in front of him. 

He wouldn’t let anyone see what he was hiding. He couldn’t.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !Trigger Warning! There is Self Harm in this chapter. If you are experiencing similar ideations or thoughts or actions then seek the help of a professional. Thank you.

He woke up to a loud seagull in his ear. He stirred from his spot at the bottom of the coconut tree. He would have thought that with listening to Donald scream at him for years he would’ve been able to sleep through an angry seagull.

“Franklin shut up.” He said, trying to curl up into himself to keep sleeping. He had named the obnoxious seagull last night, seeing her nest up on the tree that every seagull seemed to take a liking to. And Franklin, Like a seagull does, did not listen to him. She squawked a final time and then flew off toward her tree. 

Sora sat up and pulled out his phone. 7:18am Destiny Island time. He had 4 missed calls from Aqua and 1 from Riku. All from an hour ago. He knew Aqua cared a little about him, she adopted everybody, natural mother hen. He was a little confused why Riku had called him though. After a little bit of thinking he just determined that he was staying at somewhere that Aqua was too. He opened his phone to a few texts from Riku and Aerith.

Riku: Hey, Where are you?  
Riku: Text me as soon as you see this.

Sora simply left him on read. And felt a little empowered at his small rebellion, even if he did feel a little bit bad about it.

Aerith: Hey love! <3 I hope you are doing okay! Just wanted to see if you wanted to come to Seventh Heaven for lunch today? 

Sora grinned and immediately texted her back and got to his feet. As he trekked back to where he hid the gummi ship he kinda wished he could open a corridor like the organization did. Seemed easier, Less time on going places. But to be fair, they never used the corridors to go get food or go to a place they thought was pretty. At least he was pretty sure they hadn’t used them for that.

He simply walked into the ship and sat down. And he soon realized how badly sleeping on the ground had fucked up his back. 

The trip to Radiant Gardens was boring, the trips feeling longer without Donald and Goofy there. He was told by the chipmunks that the gummi phones could play music but he had no idea how to work it. And what music would he even listen to? 

He landed in a spot he knew his friends wouldn’t see. He didn’t have the energy to fake a smile. He simply put his hood up when walking to the bar, and just hoped to some higher power that no one would recognize him. 

Tifa was already waiting for him outside, she finished up talking to a customer as soon as he walked up. 

“Hey! Glad you could make it! Come on in, Aerith has been asking what kind of food you like for the last hour. As if I would know anything.” She made a quick gesture for him to follow as she bust open the door. “Guess who’s here!” 

Sora barely had time to drop his hood before Aerith pulled him into a hug. “Sora! I’m so happy you are here! I feel like we haven’t seen each other in forever!”

Sora chuckled softly, “Aerith I was here last month.” 

“Yep, Way too long!” She quickly pulled him to the bar and had him sit down. She shoved a small menu into his hands. “It’s the new menu we have been putting together, and we wanted to try it on someone we knew would be open to testing it. So? What do you want today?”

Sora looked at all the options, he quickly became a little overwhelmed with all of the choices he would make.

“You didn’t give him a chance to look over it.” 

Sora looked over to see that Leon had sat there the entire time just watching the entire loud and hectic entrance. 

“Ah, it's alright. She is excited, I get it!” Sora responded, quickly pointing at 2 things on the menu for Tifa to see, she nodded and wrote it down, giving it to Aerith, who looked very excited at the options he selected. “How’s it going Leon? You weren't around last time I came to visit.”

“That’s because you were only here for a few hours. I was on watch again. It’s alright though I knew we would get the chance to see each other again.” Leon gave the closest thing to a smile Sora had seen yet. 

Sora nodded, he wished he knew how to continue the conversation from here but Leon was a difficult guy to talk to. Luckily Tifa’s very loud and abrupt ringtone saved him. She pulled out her phone and just answered it without looking at the number or name. 

“Tifa here! Oh Hi Riku! What can I do for you? … Oh! Sora-”

Sora immediately shot up, his pulse racing. Riku was still looking for him. Sora waved his hand to gain Tifa’s attention, he motioned a line across his throat to try and tell her not to tell Riku anything. She looked at him, confused for a sec, then she seemed to understand. She turned around as Aerith came back with two dishes. 

“- Yeah no sorry I haven’t seen him lately, I can ask Aerith if you would like?... Alrighty! Good luck! Come see us soon!” She hung up and turned around. 

“I hate lying, so please tell me why I just lied to your best friend?” Tifa said accusingly, putting her whole weight on the counter of the bar as she made strong eye contact with Sora. Aerith softly set the plates down while her face morphed into one of confusion. 

Sora had no idea what to say, he grasped for a real reason other than his bullshit emotions. “I, shit, I honestly- God- nevermind. You can call him back if you want. It doesn’t matter.” Sora dropped his head and picked up the fork next to him, the food Aerith made looked fantastic but a pit in his stomach told him he didn’t want to eat it. He shoved that impulse down, he couldnt do that to her. 

“Hey, no, I’m not going to tell him. You obviously don't want that at all. And if you can’t tell us then that’s totally okay.” Tifa comfortingly put a hand on his own, the one that wasn’t holding a fork. He looked up, Aerith smiled at him and Tifa looked at him as if expecting him to shatter. He smiled softly. 

“Thank you.” He said, some rotten emotion growing in his throat. He shoved it down and could almost feel Vanitas try and kick it back. 

“It’s all good kid, If you need a break at any time you know where to find us.” Leon said, breaking the small silence that followed by getting up. “I’m going back to the watch. See you guys later.” 

TIfa and Aerith decided to update Sora on recent events and conversations while he ate. Both of them making wild hand motions at parts they deemed necessary. After Sora finished eating he updated them on where he had been and been doing.  
There was so much love from both of the women, both of them making Sora miss when his best friends would talk to him. At least talk to him like he was a person. 

He soon left, feeling bad for taking up so much of their time. He made sure to complement Aerith on her cooking and approval on their new menu. He was full and for the first time in a while he was content. Until he looked at his phone. 

Aqua (2 missed calls)  
Riku (6 missed calls)

Riku: Sora?? Where are you?? Please answer me. At least to let me know you are okay.

Sora knew he shouldn’t be frustrated. He knew that Riku was very likely looking out for him. But Sora couldn’t shake the feeling that Riku did not care. Did not care about his emotions, his fears, and how he made Sora feel. In both good and bad aspects. He decided to respond as bluntly as he could. 

Sora: I’m fine. Visited some people. Don’t worry about me. 

He immediately got a text back.

Riku: I need to see you, if that’s alright. Can we meet at the tower? 

Sora sighed. Fuck. He really did not want to do that. 

Sora: I don't really want to go to the tower. 

He quickly thought of a world that made him happy.

Sora: Can we meet in Corona? By the docks in the city? 

Riku: .. Sure. When? Sunset? 

Sora: Yeah, Sounds good.

He turned it off and entered the gummi ship again. The walls suffocating as his body registered the future and his stomach twisting in knots. Fuck. Why would Riku agree to that, why would he allow himself to go to a place so silent and away from the comfort of the tower. Away from the safety of his role as a master. 

Why would Sora agree to that. Fuck he was so stupid. He already knew he would fall apart, shatter into something that he promised he would never show to anyone. Vanitas was right. But Sora knew showing Riku the darkest parts of him would just backfire. Riku would very likely just never talk to him again, just like Kairi. 

Sora landed in Corona around midday. He was a little happy about that cause he could wander and go to stalls. Do something to take his mind off the conversation that Riku wanted to have. 

He passed by a few stalls, the food not catching his eye at all. He soon stopped at a small stall where an older man was selling knives. Sora didn’t think something so dangerous would be sold in the main square but he was fascinated anyway. Different knives with intricate blades and handles. Soon Sora saw a small one, a little pocket knife that folded in on itself. He bought it without a second thought, he had no idea what he was going to do with it. He put it in his pocket and smiled at the old man that just gave him a semi-concerned look. 

He settled himself on the edge of the dock to wait, watching a small pod of fish swim under his feet. He still had a few hours and he was probably going to get up and walk around again. But for the moment he waited and tried to settle his nerves. And tried to get his mis-matched feelings about Riku under control. 

Love was a horrid thing, and Sora found it to be an even worse thing when it was very obviously one sided. And when the other side was so arrogant lately. His stupid height and stupid eyes. His stupid, amazing keyblade abilities. 

Sora didn’t like trying to cope with it so he decided to distract himself. He pulled out the new knife he got, running his thumb along the edge. He quickly cut himself by accident and he watched the blood from his finger run down and drip into the water below him, tainting the semi clear water. He muttered a quick curaga spell and watched as the cut sealed itself leaving a thin pale line behind. 

He continued to play with the sharp edge for a little while until he realized he was going to waste an ether trying to cover his tracks. And if anyone was smart enough they would notice the new scars on his fingertips. Fuck. Sora put the blade away and pulled out a potion, he considered just drinking it and decided that it wouldn’t actually make the scars go away. So he dumped it on his fingertips as an experiment. The oldest scar vanished by the time the bottle was empty, the newest turning into a small thin line that was barely noticeable in the fading light. 

Shit. It was almost sundown. Riku was bound to show up soon, Sora chucked the glass bottle as far as he could, hoping no guard saw that and took offence, he heard the distant splash and sighed in relief when no one shouted at him.

He sat back down to continue waiting. But he didn’t have to wait much longer when Riku sat next to him. Scaring the shit out of Sora with how quiet he was.


	3. Chapter 3

“Fuck! When the hell did you get so quiet?” Soda chuckled nervously, his stomach shifting and tying itself into knots. 

Riku glanced at him, no change in emotion. That was almost enough to rile Sora up and his spine started to prickle in anger. Not even a shitty joke could break the tension. Sora wasn’t going to pursue conversation, he didn’t plan to meet up and talk. So he shut himself off, pursed his lips and looked down, his thumb was being aggressively picked at, and he hoped he could get it to bleed at some point. His ears itched as he felt Riku glance at him and look him over for a few moments. 

“I’m not mad at you Sora.” Riku finally said. Sora cracked a smile, yeah right asshole. After Sora not answering he took it on himself to keep going. 

“I’m worried about you, why have you been hiding from me?” 

Sora shot up straight, hiding? Hiding?! 

“Hiding? What the hell are you talking about? I’ve been avoiding you as much as you and Kairi and almost everyone else have been avoiding me! Am I just supposed to follow you guys around like a lost puppy?!” 

Riku had leaned back a bit, his eyes wide with surprise. He must’ve assumed Sora would have either remained quiet or given a calmer answer. 

“N-no Sora I, I-“ He seemed to want to get closer to him but seemed afraid, he kept glancing at Sora’s hands. 

Sora got up suddenly ashamed of his outburst, “This was a bad idea, I’m going.” Then Sora caught sight of what Riku was looking at. A darkness was seeping from the scars he gained earlier, his hands turning a dark purple. ‘Fuck.’ “Shit, shit shit.” 

He looked back at Riku who was getting up, Sora assumed he was going to try to help him. But, some part of him was terrified of how he would do that, what he would think if he knew that the darkness had some control of Sora. So he ran away from him, he heard Riku call after him, but he knew the boy didn’t know the forest outside the city as well as he did. So he ran there, dodging the random passerby. He could hear Riku running after him, his longer legs were bound to catch up to him at some point. The end of the bridge, the forest, he was almost there. 

Then a heavy weight grabbed him from behind and he slammed to the ground. Riku had caught him. Sora’s body didn’t realize it was Riku and flashes of heartless went through his head. He felt the pull of darkness but he forced it back down. It hurt. 

Everything in his body cried, wanting to escape the infinite battle between light and dark. He started to sob and he felt Riku release him, he must’ve thought he hurt Sora.

Sora curled in on himself, shielding his face from Riku’s view. He already knew his arms were back to their normal tan, no purple or black weeping from his fingertips. But Riku had already seen. He tried to will himself to keep running, to run until maybe he could hide in Rapunzel's tower and cry there. Alone. 

He started to suppress his crying and as he calmed down a little he realized that Riku was sitting next to him and his hand was in Sora’s hair. He must’ve thought it would help calm him down. 

Sora forgot how warm Riku was. Even just his hand was so comforting. Sora hesitantly moved his hand up to meet the other on his head. They were just settled on the far end of the bridge, sitting with their hands on the others. No one bothered them, if anything the townspeople avoided them. 

He didn’t know how long they sat like that, he didn’t actually care if they were in the way. Or if Riku was missing some important meeting or whatever. 

“I’m sorry, Sora.” Riku whispered out of the blue. “Whatever I did to cause this pain, I’m so sorry.” 

That would have normally broken Sora, and he would have cried his heart out or argued against the statement but he merely heard it and tightened his grip on Riku’s hand. Riku took that as a message that Sora wasn’t going to verbally respond, wasn’t going to interrupt him if he wanted to keep talking. 

“I.. I didn’t want to leave you alone. To be honest. Yen Sid actually told us to leave you to yourself for a bit. I assumed it was so you could have time to readjust to everything. But now, I’m pretty sure it was his sick idea of an experiment.” Riku clutched his hand tighter. “I’m never letting you be alone ever again. I’m tired of being away from you.” 

Sora had a warm feeling in his stomach, but it was surrounded by sharp thorns of anxiety. Just how long could Riku put up with his shit. Riku never saw him in his darkest moments, and Sora never revealed it before he disappeared. 

“Riku.” Sora’s voice was slightly rough from being silent. “I’m not like I was before I left. I’m… not the Sora you used to know.” 

There was a small moment of silence. “I know. And that’s okay.” 

Sora looked back at the other boy, the moon lit up his hair and showed that it was the same silver that kept his attention for hours as a child. He smiled softly. The anxiety in his stomach lessened a bit. 

“That’s good.” He sat up. “I’m hungry. Cmon.” He stood up, finally releasing Riku’s hand. He ruffled his hair and looked at the town, still alive with lights and music. It was probably around 8. He set off for it, already knowing Riku could easily catch up with his long legs. 

“You craving anything specific?” He glanced back, and almost jumped at how close the other boy was already. Even though Sora proposed the idea of food he hoped Riku would throw out a recommendation. But he merely shrugged. 

Dammit. He would have to decide for them both.

It didn’t take long for the lights and sounds to bring out a smile in the both of them. Sora glanced at a few stands selling assortments of fruits and pastries. None of them really caught his eye. 

“Hey, I’m pretty sure those are crepes.” Riku nudged him to get his attention. “Didn’t you make a lot of those with Remy?”

Sora grinned. “Oh yea, I fucked up a lot of eggs that week. Almost burned off my eyebrows somehow. Let’s get some.” 

Their experience of ordering was brief, due to how awkward the both of them were when it came to any merchant that wasn’t a moogle. They were very impressed with how quickly and expertly the owner made their order. They walked away a little afraid to ruin the perfect crepes. 

“Maybe I should learn how to cook.” Riku said, he bit into his and his eyes lit up. “You think I could get as good as that guy?” 

Sora laughed. “If you don’t accidentally poison someone first.” He bit into his own which he decided to fill with berries and cream. Damn. The ones he made with Remy were good, but these were very close to beating them. 

The two ended up eating them quickly without meaning to, and sat on the sidelines of a celebration happening in the square. The crowd was smaller than the dance he had attended before, so he assumed Rapunzel and Flynn would not be making an appearance.

In that moment it hit him that he never told Riku the entirety of what happened in this world. He told them about Marluxia, but never him falling asleep so fast, and how Flynn had died in front of him. This world was full of dark memories he hadn’t realized he had forgotten. He shook it off, or attempted to. 

“What ya thinkin about?” Riku asked him, bumping his shoulder again. “You look all scary.” 

“Just some shit that happened here. Just reminiscing, ya know.” He tried his best to wipe his face clean of any negative emotion. 

Riku looked a little unhappy with the answer, but was soon jolted from his thoughts on the matter when a fun tune started up. He looked up to see what was happening. Sora already knew the tune, and the dance that went with it. He grabbed Riku’s hand, ignoring his yelp and joined the small groups of dancers. 

“Okay just put your hands here,” Sora directed Riku’s hands to their proper placements. “and just follow the music. You will do fine.” 

Riku looked very unsure as Sora led them in the dance. 

Sora did not realize how hard it would be to lead with the height difference between them. Riku, who had almost perfect control of his balance and skill in battle, felt like a newborn deer in this moment. It made Sora laugh a little. He missed this, it had been years since they were allowed to fuck around and be teenagers together. 

Pretty soon Riku got the hang of and the dance was a little more enjoyable without guiding him. They laughed every time one of them stepped on each other’s toes, when a spin almost sent them toppling. Even though the other dancers switched partners they seemed to sense that the two of them needed to guide one another or the whole dance would fall apart.

The song soon ended and they realized how close they had gotten to each other, chest to chest and almost nose to nose. Sora looked into Riku’s eyes and saw how red his cheeks had gotten from laughter. God he wanted to live in this moment until the end of time. But some awful knock to the gut reminded him that Riku very likely did not feel the same way and Sora backed up and released his hands. 

They walked back to the sidelines so the other partygoers could dance to other songs. 

“Fuck that was exhausting.” Riku leaned against the wall to catch his breath. “Fun though.” 

“I did that dance the first time I was here, surprised I remember it.” Sora said, “And I had done it during the day, I was kind of scared I was gonna lose track of everything because of how dark it is now.” He looked up at the moon to try and gauge what time it was. He guessed around 8 or 9. Considering the sun set at 7 and they left the bridge a little after that. 

“I have no idea what else there is to do here.” He admitted after looking around the plaza one more time. Most of the stalls had new people running them from earlier in the day. “We should come back for Rapunzel's birthday, you would love the lights.”

“Oh yea I heard Donald mention that a while ago, said you loved watching them.” 

Sora was confused he had never heard Donald say anything like that. Then he remembered there was more than a year long gap between now and when he was last here and he had been missing when Donald must have come back. 

“Yea I did, shit I wish I knew what month it was, pretty sure the festival was in the summer or spring? So it should be pretty soon.” He was tempted to ask someone when the festival was or if it was soon but he realized they would probably think he was crazy, or some creepy tourist. 

Riku nodded. “Do you want to go somewhere else? Not the tower, just, somewhere else.” 

“Like where?” Sora chuckled slightly, he only really frequented 4 worlds. 

“No idea lets go.” Sora let RIku guide him to where he landed his gummi ship. Sora hadn’t actually seen Riku’s ship fully yet. Only a glimpse during the time he was at the tower. It was a purple one that he recognized from Chip and Dale’s blueprints. “You okay if we leave yours here? I can text Donald and Goofy to come pick it up. I'm sure they wouldn't care.”

“Oh, yea sure. I’m a little tired of being in it anyway. Starting to get claustrophobic all alone.” Sora felt a little guilty saying that he could have easily invited someone. ‘Yea Dumbass’ ‘fuck off Vanitas’ ‘Make me”.

“Hey Riku?”

Riku hummed in response.

“Have you seen Vanitas since the graveyard?” 

“No actually. No one has seen anyone since. We are pretty sure they are all back to normal or just gone. I mean other than Xehanort in Kairi’s dream thing. But you kicked his ass.” 

“Right. Almost forgot I did that. To be fair I barely did anything. Just showed up and hit the old guy in the face for the fourth time.” Sora immediately started laughing at his own joke, damn that was probably the first time he actually laughed at his own humor in weeks. 

Riku grinned and turned back to look at Sora. 

“I missed your smile.”

Sora almost choked, fuck his stomach just flipped. “Really? Swear you saw it like last week.”

“Yea, but we both know it wasn't real.” 

‘Ouch’

“Hey, hey, hey, no need to call me out.” Sora retorted with a smile still on his face, but he soon sobered up. “Did anyone else notice?” 

Riku, stopped to think about it. “Aqua probably did, and Roxas definitely did, not that he would tell me. But pretty sure that's about it if you are worried about it.” 

That made Sora feel a bit better about not making people worry but also feel like shit because he now knew most of his friends couldn't even tell. They both entered the gummi ship. It was already 10 times nicer than his own, those damn chipmunks have gotten worlds better at interior design. 

“Why the hell do you get a fucking couch. I barely have working bunk beds.” 

“I paid more. After spending a year in yours I was tired of not having anything comfortable to sit on. But to be fair, the damn thing likes to move around anytime I get in a battle, so you're not missing much.” 

“Loser.” Sora threw himself onto the couch with no shame, halfway through his fall he wondered if the couch was even soft enough to throw himself on it. It was way too late to change it now so he accepted his fate. Luckily it was soft as hell and he sank a few inches into the cushions. He sat up a bit and grabbed the stray pillow that he found on the floor. Riku had his back turned looking at his phone. Sora threw the pillow with as much force as he could. Riku almost dropped his phone. 

“Bitch!” Riku picked up the pillow and chucked it back, Sora forgot how strong he was, when the pillow hit his stomach it actually hurt. He dramatically flopped to his side while hugging the pillow, he draped his hand over his eyes.

“You killed me.” 

“Drama queen.” Riku said, looking back at his phone. “Wanna go back to the islands?”

“Nah I was there last night. That reminds me I haven't slept in like 16 hours island time.”

Riku looked up, surprised. “Do you just want to find a place to sleep then? Pretty sure a hotel or something just opened in Twilight Town.”

“Oh hell yea. And we can get food from Remy in the morning!” 

“Okay, come up to the front, don't need you getting crushed by the couch while I drive.”

“Damn, all my plans ruined by your lack of flying skill.”

“Shut up at least I learned how. Unlike you who just got screamed at by Donald until you stopped hitting rocks.” 

Sora settled into the copilot seat, not bothering with the seatbelt. Why the hell was there a seatbelt in this one but not his own? He settled his with his legs tucked underneath him cross legged, the only reason he was grateful to be a small person was so he could still sit in chairs like a kid. Riku was better at flying then he claimed and Sora enjoyed the flight. He must've figured out his phone cause he played some random song Sora did not recognize. 

He would have to convince him to teach him how to use technology. Preferably without making fun of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I normally write this on weekends late at night so im sorry for typos lmao. If anyone wants to vibe with me my twitter is @bingboing12 :D


	4. 4

Twilight was as alive as usual. Sora was becoming a little convinced that no here really slept, or if they did every household had a different schedule. It was around 10 pm here, Sora looked around at the people walking around like it was 10 am instead, he spotted a few sleepy people making their way across the trolleys path. 

Riku was following a small map on his phone, glancing up at addresses on the buildings occasionally. Sora honestly had no idea where they were headed. He let Riku pull him along, just cherishing the small moment he got to hold his hand. They were both silent, Sora had gotten the impulse to ask him things or make conversation but he was so emotionally drained that he decided against it. 

“Alright, we’re here.” 

Sora looked to his left to find a 3 story building that looked similar to every other building in town, only thing that really made him think it was a hotel were the people with bags going inside occasionally. 

Riku let go of Sora’s hand and put his phone away. Sora followed him, he trailed behind slowly realizing he had no spare clothes, and neither did Riku. And shit, he hadn’t had a bath in a while. 

Fuck he shouldn't have revealed that to Vanitas.

‘Gross’ ‘shut up dude, not like you bothered to remind me’ ‘I SHOULDNT HAVE TO’ ‘You are here, might as well make yourself useful, not like you are paying rent.’ ‘I am literally here to tell you to not be a dumbass what the fuck do you mean I'm not useful.’

Sora found it a little entertaining that Vanitas had already found a way to talk to him in his head. At least Sora would be able to bother someone when everyone abandoned him. Oh shit that was sad. 

“Just one please.” Riku said to a dead looking receptionist. She nodded lazily and handed him a key card. Riku looked at it for the room number and floor. He thanked her and turned around. “Lets go.” He said with a small grin on his face, he tapped Sora’s shoulder as a way to guide him the direction he was headed and Sora followed.

‘One what?’ ‘Bed dumbass, were you not listening?’ ‘WHAT’ 

He hadn't actually shared a bed with any of friends in years. His stomach began to knot and flip as they entered the small creaky elevator Riku had called during his small exchange with Vanitas. 

“Hey, you good?” Riku asked, catching Sora’s eye as the doors closed to the hallway. Sora attempted to nod, hoping his nerves wouldn’t show too much on his face. “I hope you are alright with the one bed, I didn’t bring a ton of cash with me from the tower. And I figured since we shared one a ton as kids you wouldn’t care that much.” 

Sora barely realized Riku was rambling before the doors opened to the second floor. He was as stressed about this as he was. That did a little to settle the butterflies in his stomach. ‘God you two are hopeless. I’m going to go pretend I'm not stuck here.’ Sora smiled a bit. ‘Thanks.’ ‘Fuck off’

“Yea I don't mind. Just know I might end up hitting you in my sleep.” Sora said, shoving him lightly. 

“With my luck I will very likely end up on the floor.” 

“Probably. Also, what the fuck are we going to where to bed, we both have nothing.”

“Shit. What, you don't have an extra outfit in your huge magic pockets?” 

“No I probably just have potions and glitter.” 

They walked up to the door to their room, it was at the end of the hallway. The window revealed the trams route and the wall blocking the forest from invading town, it was finally the darkest it would ever become.   
The room Riku had rented was a smaller one, cozy with the bathroom near the door and a small closet. One bed sat in the middle and a small desk was near the large covered window. 

The clock on the desk said 10:43 pm. Sora was way too lazy to convert that to Island time but he assumed he had been awake for way too long. Luckily he slept for what seemed like a million years last night, granted it was on the ground and he was woken up by an angry seagull. 

“You want the shower?” Riku asked, taking off his wrist guards and throwing them on the bed. 

Sora looked at the bathroom for a second. 

“Nah you can have it first. Not in the mood yet.” 

Riku looked at him for a second. “You are lucky as hell that Curaga has flowers involved, you dork.” 

Sora laughed as he flung himself on the bed, he immediately sunk into the comforter. Fuck he may never wake up if the bed was this nice. 

“I thought you said you were broke. This bed is like 5 stars worthy. “ Sora said, he lifted his head to see Riku walk over in his tank top. 

“I promise this was cutting it close. Lemme see, scooch over you whore.” He waited for Sora to roll over before body slamming the bed. “Oh shit, hell yea this is so worth it. Damn. I expect, like, 7 years of payment from you just from this bed alone.” He leaned back into the comforter, his arms behind his head. 

Sora shoved his abdomen playfully. “In your dreams dickhead.” 

They settled into a comfortable silence, Sora assumed it was because Riku couldn’t convince himself to get up again to shower. 

After a few moments Sora realized he wanted to shower, he could feel the dirt on his skin and the feeling was damn near claustrophobic. “If you don't get up and shower right now then I will use all the hot water and you will suffer.” He said, he had shut his eyes to rest them and he felt Riku jump up quickly. Sora had done that enough times as kids that Riku knew he wasn't kidding. He opened his eyes again when he heard the door shut. 

He decided to get prepared a bit for when Riku was finished, he had the tendency to take lightening fast showers. Even in the Tower he had record time, he had been faster then even Roxas who was the least meticulous about his appearance. Axel had taken the award for the longest, just after Sora and Kairi. 

Sora didn’t even really do anything in the shower. It had become a safe place after the years of watching his back in every room he entered. He had learned to appreciate the chance to clean himself up after being sent to an alternate universe with no money or knowledge of the culture and terrain. 

Still, he had not regretted it when he was sent there. Kairi had been saved. He had nothing else for him at home since Xehanort had been defeated. Then Riku came along to guide him home and the crushing guilt from leaving had hit him. He had returned to Kairi terrified to interact with him. Everyone else seemed ecstatic that he had returned, but after a few weeks they had returned to the normal life they had built for themselves in the year Sora was gone. 

A life that he had willingly left. He had no right to be bitter that they weren't around to talk to him, but still, the loneliness stung. He wasn’t even sure Riku actually wanted to be around him in this moment. What if this was another mission that Master Yen Sid had set up? Another way to get him back in the tower to be a toy soldier in the magicians hands? Or maybe this was some way to tell Sora that they all knew he was succumbing to the darkness in his mind. That they all knew Vanitas lived in his heart in the place of the last three inhabitants. 

He hadn't realized he had stopped unbuckling his wrist guards rock himself in place, his new way to self soothe. He had never noticed it before but he noticed new shit about himself every day. The shower shut off, Riku must’ve taken a little bit more time then he usually did because it had felt like a million years.

Shit he had forgotten to get ready. He quickly threw his guards on the floor and pulled off his jacket, almost getting lost in the sleeves due to his frantic movement. 

He turned around to Riku attempting to dry his hair, only his tank top and boxers on. His hair was longer wet, almost covering his eyes. He yawned and flopped back on the bed, he threw the towel at Sora as he passed the end of the bed to the bathroom

Sora shut the door quickly behind him. He sighed and noticed the water all over the floor. Riku was almost never super messy, except when it came to his damn hair and the shower. Sora turned on the hot water again. And turned around to the mirror. 

He almost screamed, but covered his mouth in time. It was Vanitas in the reflection. 

“What the fuck dude?!” Sora said in a loud whisper, hoping that the sound of the water muffled anything he said. “Trying to scare the shit out of me? I don't want to wake up the whole town!” 

“Nah, just wanted to see if this would work.” Vanitas grinned. “And shit it was funny. “ 

“Can Riku hear you?” 

“Pretty sure he is none the wiser, last I checked, I do not live in his head.” Vanitas shrugged looking at the door. “But to settle your nerves would you prefer I only show up in your dreams?” 

“Yes please.” Sora said, averting his eyes. The yellow gaze in place of his own was uncomfortable. 

“Alright. See you later then.” Vantias mimicked blowing a kiss, and Sora blinked, opening his eyes to his own reflection. It wasn’t much different now that he saw the bags under his eyes or the exhausted look. His hair was flatter than usual and framed his face in a slightly more menacing way. He quickly got into the shower and hoped that the water would magically fix it all. He was slightly disappointed when it didn't. 

He got in the bare minimum of his outfit, very similar to Riku, he hadn't realized the fairies had even made them match in the under clothes. Happy they were able to focus on colors for his outfit. He didn't need to look like the failed watercolor project he had attempted to make as a kid. 

Riku was on his gummi phone when Sora finally emerged. The clock read 11:29 pm and Sora wondered how he had not collapsed from exhaustion yet. Almost 15 hours on his internal clock. He thanked the stars he couldn't do the complex mental math that different worlds and their time zones took, if he tried that he knew he would have at least a 3 hour difference from what his mind was saying now. 

“Hey dude. You okay?” Riku asked, looking up from whoever he was texting. 

Sora shook himself from zoning out. “Yea, just tired. I know I probably can't go to sleep yet.”

Riku immediately looked concerned and glanced at the clock. “Why not?” 

Sora felt a pang of guilt from the fact he was about to overshare. “Hard to fall asleep lately.” He stopped it at that, if he revealed the nightmares and Vanitas taking up a piece of his night, he knew Riku would use their Dream link to try and fix it. 

Riku didn't need into his head again. He would probably get hurt there and Sora didn't know how he would live with himself if that happened. 

He walked over to the side of the bed he assumed was his. And sat cross legged on top of the sheets. He got his phone out to see no texts. Not surprising. He shut it off again and tried to play it off like he wasn’t annoyed at the fact he never had a reason to use the phone in the first place. 

He noticed Riku shut off his own phone and sit up. ‘Fuck’ 

“I really am sorry Sora, I didn't mean to hurt you.” 

Sora sighed. “I know Riku. It. It isn't just you though. Kairi not talking to me is terrifying. I hurt her by leaving but I know that I would’ve been devastated to lose her. I hurt you too. I hurt everyone and I don't know how to fix that.” 

“You did what you had to do and I know everyone knows that, even Kairi. She hasn't told me what's up but I know it's not just the fact you left. Shit sorry that's probably not what you wanted to hear.” Riku covered his face with his hands. 

Sora chuckled a bit. “No, its okay. Gives me a little bit to work with. I will talk to her at some point, it's just a little scary right now. I mean, there is no guarantee she will listen. What if she just walks away or what if she just straight up tells me to shut up and leave her alone? God it’s been a year what if she just hates me right now?!” 

Sora hadn’t realized his breathing had become labored with his frantic trail of thoughts until Riku sat up and set his hand on Sora’s back. Even though the room was silent it felt so loud. His ears felt like they were being clamped closed and he couldn't hear his own thoughts. 

“She wouldn't care anyway would she. She would take one look at me and laugh. I get it.” He laughed. “I’m weak.”  
“What? Sora what makes you say that?” Riku asked, trying to catch his gaze a little. 

“Xehanort was easy to fight compared to Yozora. Did you know that? That old bastard barely put up a fight. But Yozora won so easily. The moment he took my Keyblade was the moment I lost. I’m nothing without it and I'm sure Kairi knows that. Hell she could take on so many things without a Keyblade and win but I have proved over and over again that I am nothing without it.” Sora finally broke, tears streaming down his face.. “I’m nothing to anybody anymore. Without the Keyblade in my hand I am nothing.” 

“Sora, I-” 

“Riku. Even when we were kids we knew you were always stronger. And when you took the Keyblade in Hollow Bastion you proved that I couldn’t really go on without it. Only the thought of saving you and Kairi kept me going even though I knew I couldn’t really win.” Sora's sniffles and hiccups through this made it hard to think and he could feel the exhaustion from before combine with the feeling of crying. “I am so tired of being the only person to say it. To realize it. There is a reason why I am not a master like you and it's because you have always been stronger and I have proven I am only there to be a happy face.” 

Riku just pulled him close and Sora rested against his side. “You have always been stronger, and even though I went through this fight before you, you are proving to be much better at it.” 

“What fight?”

“It’s the fight with yourself. I understand the darkness inside. It sits in your chest and gnaws at you until you break. Until everything good in the world turns sour. You are strong, Sora. Just right now you wont be able to see it. I am not going to say I can fix it, I am not going to be able to heal the broken pieces of your heart. But I can be here for you to talk to, to scream at until you feel better. I am so sorry it got to this, that you feel this alone.” 

Sora didn't respond. He felt more tears spring up. A hot shame washed over him as he realized how much he revealed. ‘Fucking finally’ Sora pushed Vanitas’s thought away. He wasn’t going to let the idiot know he won. 

Sora looked over at the clock and saw his rant lasted a while. And it was long passed 12. 

“Can we go to sleep now?” Sora asked quietly. Gently pulling away as to not hurt Riku’s feelings. 

“Of course.” 

Sora crawled under the covers as Riku did the same and flicked off the light. They both settled in silence. Sora reached out in the darkness until he reached Riku’s hand. He held it as he felt his mind sway into sleep. 

“Thank you, Riku.” 

Sora heard RIku hum in response as the haze in his mind took over completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't figured out Vanitas's limitations but im kind of just having fun with him. Hope you like this fic, hopefully you do if you have gotten this far. Sora is very much a vent character rn and i am exploring the reality of his head, I love Riku but most fics revolve around his point of view lmao.

**Author's Note:**

> Vibes


End file.
